You were my favourite boy from a boyband… who turned into my favourite man from a manband… and then went on to be a lovely husband and dad who showed himself to be committed, loving and courageous in the face of personal tragedy. You espoused your dedication to family life, the wider community and your country no less.
You wrote Patience and we all wanted to wait. You wrote Rule The World and we wished you did. In The Flood you wrote that “no one understood” and although we had no idea what you were talking about (a rowing race?), we saw through all the misunderstanding to your inner – and outer – beauty.
Over the years you have become our lovable Mr Britain. You were kind and wise on the telly, expert, honest, funny… but you could still conjure up a smoulder in your lovely black and white music videos. You climbed mountains, organised concerts and sang all our favourite songs for sick and underpriveleged kiddies everywhere.
In 2013 you wrote Sing and we wept with happiness and patriotism as all those beautiful children from all over the commonwealth joined with the Military Wives in our very own choral tribute to the Queen.
You were such a good chap that you got an OBE. Sir Gary. We thought it was lovely, and you were lovely, and your kids must have been so proud. Awwwwwwww……
And then the next thing we know, you’re exposed as a tax cheat!! Hoarding your own money away in some tax avoidance scheme while simultaneously asking us to reach into our own pockets (ones that aren’t lined with royalties from thirteen no 1 hits) to support Children in Need. Heck Gary, if people like you just paid your taxes maybe there wouldn’t be so many children in need in the first place.
Of course, there’s been a lot of media attention around your own donations to charity, but I have to say, even that is soured by this. What would happen if we all decided to pay the amount of tax we thought appropriate to whichever charity we thought appropriate and just tuck the rest away for posterity? Our whole society would fall apart, Gary, that’s what. You know, schools, roads and hospitals all depend on everyone paying their taxes, and you don’t get to pick and choose what your tax bill is spent on!
So what happens next? What do we do when our charitable and generous national treasure is revealed to be a greedy tax dodger who owes us several million pounds??? Demand he repays the tax he dodged and take away his OBE. Sorry Gary, your services to music still stand but your services to charity – except for helping make them a necessity – are questionable.
And of course we’ll have to boycott the X-factor and anything Take That-ish, which is a pity, but now that I think about it, I’ve grown out of this crush anyway.
Lily Allen tweeted: “Can’t get through to NHSDirect, no midwives in your area ? Well at least the Queen got a nice birthday party/jubilee , whatever @GaryBarlow.”
We’re giving the last word to Take VAT, with their comedy spoof “Pay it back for good”. For the record, Davie Quinn “adores Gary” and is “actually not bothered at all by what he did.” He even says he’d do the same. Sigh… eyeroll… He has however promised to pay tax on any profits made by this particular song in the event of it going viral as a direct result of its appearance here…
Published on May 20, 2014 – Comedy spoof cover about Gary Barlow’s tax Scandal.
Vocals, lyrics & video by Davie Quinn
Production by Alex McGowan @ SpaceEko Studios